Saturday, 27 February 2010

GOT A PHONE GOT A PHONE GOT A PHONE



(=
That makes a happy Fiooooooona.
I love you mommydaddy!

Poem, here I come.
* whoever reads this, igot a new number, too, so please delete the previous one.
this note mainly goes out to emily if she sees this (=

Thursday, 25 February 2010

I don't mind being your motivation


Won't you be mine?

Sometimes I wonder if I like work, or if I like that feeling of accomplishment, youknow. That feeling that ohhhgrrrrrrl I managed my time fairly well. That feeling of understanding everything, that lightbulb going DING! That feeling of having everything compleetely under control, and everything done.

Or maybe I just want to distract myself with work, work, and more work, to keep myself from thinking about other things. People, school (haha, doing schoolthings to keep from thinking about school), my future, etc. Choosing Classes. My new decision. I feel like decisions just keeep coming my way now.
But everyday that I spend so much time on one thing, I wonder if I'll be able to dedicate so much time to whatever classes I take next year and I start to cower away a little. My confidence atrophies ( HAHA ;D).
So farrr, I got my mind set on CalcABAP, Eng3AP, ChemHonors, Spanish3.
Two extra spaces.
I'm wondering if I should fit in another science (Psychology).
And if I should do APUSH. Cuz APUSH isn't as bad as WHAP, right?
Ugh, Idk. -__-.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

days like these.


make me feel not so lifeless and patheticcccc.
minus the fact that it's my first time baking. but at least this first experience is from scratchhh~!
nice catchin' up ( = .

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

please don't think you're that unforgettable.



meet my biological sister and my second unrelated sister.
like an extra pair of chill parents or some extra friends with a different relationship. the type of friends to bring you happiness w/o knowing every single detail, what with girls or boys, troubles of any sort. but they're there, and the laughter i share with them is different from what i share with friends or anyone else. :D.
but sometimes i feel like iwant to share part of that inner life with you guys. i know you guys know. sometimes i want to hear advice from you guys.
haha, i no longer have to hide what i know, and i feel proud that i know something, lol! that we can discuss these matters now. i feel omniscious. all knowing. and most of all, trusted. ;).
and at the same time it brought upon more regrets in my life.

Monday, 15 February 2010

happy tiger year.



Why couldn't I have met you earlier?

i like how we can talk again, even if it does revolve around only those subjects.
i like how we can talk about the past now with no sense of awkwardness, like ooold friends giggling about silly past stories.
i like how you talked to me right after i kinda blogged about missing someone, privately. at the same time, it's kinda scary.. i would not want you reading those posts.
i feel unbounded now. rarely do i backspace what i type to you.

but why is internet taking over lives?
everything is just so easy here. you say what you want, and backspace it as quickly as you want.
you could easily abandon conversations. but at the same time people (both people you like and dislike) could easily get ahold of you.
you could talk about things with less awkwardness as if you said it in person.
you could hide your emotions, so, so easily, but it'd also mean you don't see that other person's emotions.
one smiley face or one laughoutloud changes the tone.
but you can't catch details sometimes because of those distractions.
you could talk to so many people at once. you could multitask.
on instantmessaging, the things you say TECHNICALLY disappear into thin air unless someone saves it. nobody eavesdrops (unless someones overreading or you type in the wrong box)
all this allows for convenience but also lack of communication.

sometimes i wish i could shut myself from the internet and interact only in person, so i don't have to worry about everything so much.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

to find beauty amidst ugliness, plainness, and blandness.



can you do that with me?

i realize you are of motivation to me.
with you, i don't want to be better than you. i just want to prove myself worthy.
you are my push, my reason, and my thing to look forward to.


you are my hope :).

Monday, 8 February 2010

saltine crackers


my hair's growing looooooong. bangs are too, kinda bugging me.


my rush of inspiration and motivation ran away.
i'm really frustrated right now. it's as if i forgot how to write.
last night i dreamt that i blanked out and forgot everything. it really scared me. i'm still kinda traumatized.
as if this is the point that i start to let go.. without knowing it.
each day matters . and i want every day to matter.
but isn't it kindof overwhelming to think that, if each day matters, one mistake will kill it all?

Sunday, 7 February 2010

call me a nerd



result of yesterday's shopping.


result of staying at home today. (not done yet)

i love getting headstarts on things and being productive.
done w/ main paras, need the little edits here and there, of course, but i got the main ideas down. so picture above shows two sentences of intro, FOUR main paragraphs (choosing one to eliminate).. and yeah.
but i need to identify what i'm even trying to prove; my thesis.

whooooooooo. i love productive days. less guilt when i start watching dramas, you know?
*parents are out at casino. the reason i am at home. but it's okay. i think i actually like choosing one day out of weekend to be productive sometimes.. they can have their fun, i can have my work done.
(= must. stay. on top. of things. :D.

hi, motivation!

Saturday, 6 February 2010

I missed 11:11



Up to you to fulfill my wishes!

I am thinking again and debating again over Chinese school.

I'll miss those people. It's sucha diversity, my 'group' ranging from 8th grade to 12th. Different schools. Different 'cliques', if I must say, each one of us are from.

I think this year was overall just a great slack off year. LOL. Never in my five years of Chinese school has the teacher been totally oblivious (or maybe just lenient and pushover), so the point of me actually talking the whole 3 hours. Once in a while stare at him and pretend we're paying attention but so what.
And today I met/got to talk to more new people.
I think Chinese school is one of those places I feel totally free in.
Sucks, takes me this long to finally treasure these moments. Great year to end it off, I guess. :D.

Friday, 5 February 2010

Do you remember?

It just depends on the way you look at things.
One switched angle, and a cloudy day looks like a sunny day.
Change up your mood.
Maybe we got some telepathy going on.

Currently brainstorming for essay outline, I got it decided on comparing allegories&chapters. Part of me is still fighting for the other two, but I guess 4Corners is a bit hard to argue. And short story.. I don't think I'm ready to share that part of myself yet.


But I am now reminded of how hard outlines are. Harder than writing the real essay, actually. :.


Tuesday, 2 February 2010

welcome back.



it's sad how i could forget.
it's the worst feeling to miss someone right in front of you, someone in your everyday.
but it's the best to reconnect with old ones that you've been missing.
: ).
gosh, this blog has almost become a 365 thing! (= but it's not. probably missed a day or two.
the pictures are pretty everyday though; as in, it accompanies each and every blog.
that's how camerawhorey i am. gotta put my pictures to a good use!
can you believe it's been a year already?
i think life does balance out.
yin and yang.
good and bad. or, more of bad and good. if you truly deserve some goodness back in your life, it'll hop in. but sometimes karma reacts, even if it has no relationship to anything you did whatsoever. it'll bite you. hard. learn your lesson and the good comes back, and you'll love that feeling.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Lookin goooooood

this week~!

^super antique huge camera w/ 2.0 megapixels; stilll looking good though.

okay, i'm not considering i felt super sick this whole day and last night =_= but my forecast of this week is looking UP.
despite all the tests and stuff, i have a feeling i'll like this week.
but i don't want to jinx it.

i highly believe listening to upbeat positive songs help in boosting your positivity. (=


or other small things that don't seem important. i think it's important. the little details! i tend to remember those more than the big picture, ha. or just about the same. so this weeeek.
CAHSEE - shorter classes (get out @ 3) and math quiz. -_-
CAHSEE - shorter classes (get out @ 2)
THURSDAY = SHORT <3 ABRIDGED HAHAH. yesyesyes.
WWI test Friday.
Saturday.
then it's tgiweekends, tehehe. then one more week and BREAK. i sound too excited.
please don't let my hopes down.
made it through january; i'll make it through february.

back to studying and making sense of things : )